I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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