Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
