Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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