she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
