If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
