When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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