put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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