Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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