I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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