I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize