some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
