We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
