I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
