I puked a lego.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
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You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize