The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You took a bar mat shot.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
