I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
