yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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