i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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