So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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