on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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