I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
try to milk me bitch
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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