i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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