i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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