Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
