Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
