just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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