break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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