May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
