is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
