I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
