If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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