walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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