Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
