the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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