My nipple is on Facebook.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
