Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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