so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
