We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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