In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
