Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
