Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
