my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
