Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
