I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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