PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
