Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
