Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
