Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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