I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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