Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
