between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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