You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
