yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
