amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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