This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
