hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Of course I have a pirate flag
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
