We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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