just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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