This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize