So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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