i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
