I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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