proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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