wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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