You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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