If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
