I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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