We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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