He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
