So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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