so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
