Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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