Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
