doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
