I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
