He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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