Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
