DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
