So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I fill condoms, not promises.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
