I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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