Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
