My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
