She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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